When I was still in the madness, I was always very guarded with my true feelings. I bottled up a lot of frustrations, anger, fear, that came out in other self destructive ways. When I took the advice of my early AA sponsors and started faking it until I made it, I discovered that thoughts and intellectual knowledge could be very fleeting while feelings could be long lasting. Whenever turmoil arose in my mind, I sedated it with alcohol.
There had been a lifetime of bad feelings and I was beginning to like and look forward to the good feelings that were appearing as I became sober. Studying Spirituality opened the door to these good feelings. “I didn’t wish to kick anyone today,” “I didn’t crave a drink today,” “I am not a bad person today,” “I helped someone today,” “I learned something new today” These thoughts made me feel good and, being addictive, I wanted more, much more.
Where my thoughts of a vengeful, ogre-like God scared me badly, my newly learned thoughts of a loving, caring, understanding God comforted me. When I learned to Utilize and not Analyze, my life very quickly became one that I embraced. I don’t study the AA program with my head. When I do, I forget quickly. Anymore, I do not have many of the 12 Steps of AA memorized in my head. I have the 12 Steps of AA embedded in my heart and live the program with all of its principals and new feelings to the best of my ability.
This brings up another thought. Whenever making a statement such as this I would usually modify it with a disclaimer such as “Of course I am not perfect” or “Being human, I can stray.” This only brings up the negative so today I leave the disclaimers out. I want my feelings to be good ones, now bad.
My inner knowledge of Spirituality has given me the peace that I always strove for but never could find. Remember, we are Spiritual Beings. We are living in a Spiritual Universe. This universe is governed by Spiritual Law. AND we are one with all that exists.
Knowing that I am one with all reminds me that I am never alone. I am discoveri9ng feelings for people that I never would have when in the madness. The first two words of The Lord’s Prayer, Our Father, remind us that we are all one because we all say “Our father.” With this all going for me and you, too, I am emotionally wealthy. Meaning Happy, Joyous, and Free. You can be too if you want it enough to be willing to do the work. Just say the shortened version of the 3rd Step, “God help me,” and move on! God bless you!
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