The most important words that one could ever speak are the words following “I am!” Think about it for a moment. Say to yourself “I am!” What are your first thoughts after saying this? When I came into AA, I thought of myself as I Am miserable. I didn’t like me. And if I didn’t like me, I hated you. If I hated you I hurt you. If I hurt you I was sorry. And if I was sorry I got remorse. Then if I got remorse I got drunk trying to end it all. Followed by discovering that things just got worse so I hurt someone to feel better myself. Of course, then I felt worse. So around and around I went on the merry-go-round of agony.
I saw no way out of this agony and started planning my suicide and funeral. I would go out in a blaze of glory and my family would still be covered by my insurance instead of denied because of the suicide.
The spiritual portion of the program began working through me just as soon as I let go and let God and listened to my sponsors. Not only listened but did what they and others at the AA meetings suggested. Soon the I AMs turned from a piece of crap to I AM SOMEBODY. Then I AM SOMEBODY GOOD, Then I AM CARING ABOUT OTHERS AS WELL AS MYSELF. Family members started slowly venturing into trusting that I was not going to harm them and fellow workers started slowly believing that I could be trusted to try to do the right thing. As the feelings improved, so did life.
Once I realized that my life was actually improving. I wanted more and more. I could not get enough. My hand was always up asking questions and asking for information. I was advised by these new found friends, that I trusted totally, that I was accepting the spiritual element of the program so, of course, I wanted more. Remember, I am addicted to everything. So I dug deeply into the spiritual portion of the program.
Emmet Fox was my early Spiritual Advisor through his books and essays. He had been the Spiritual Advisor for Bill W. and the early members of AA. His book, Sermon On The Mount was used as AA’s first Big Book, until Bill W. wrote the one that we all know now.
Later, I was introduced to someone who became my Spiritual Advisor, Reverend Stephanie Sorensen of the Flint, MI Life enrichment Center. She helped me to discover that I AM a spiritual being living in a spiritual universe that is governed by spiritual law. As a Divine Being, I AM an individualized expression of God and one with all that exists. I memorized and now use this daily as an affirmation and it keeps me steady on the course of life. I want to tell you folks that, from a very angry, violent, unpredictable, well armed man to one that is truly Happy, Joyous, and Free was a transformation that ONLY AA was able to do for me.
When I surrendered to the very simple program devised for very complicated folks I became one who can now say I AM SOMEBODY, I AM GOOD, I AM LOVING, I AM A SPIRITUAL BEING. YOU CAN TOO!!! God bless you!
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