Bill W. Says in As Bill Sees it: “Years ago I used to commiserate with all people who suffered. Now I commiserate only with those who suffer in ignorance, who do not understand the purpose and ultimate utility of pain.” “Someone once remarked that pain is the touchstone of spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.’s can agree with him, for we know that the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity.” After all, we are only looking for a little peace.
Notice, this says that we know that the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety and emotional turmoil before serenity and peace. This says ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about still suffering after sobriety takes hold. I did not slowly enter into the Program of AA looking for just another way to hurt, physically or emotionally. I had had enough of the nights
I remember waking up in a cold sweat and not even knowing why! I didn’t want to be in a group of others who may have even loved me and felt so alone! Never wished to ever again kneel at the porcelain throne, better known as a commode, heaving my guts out. I only wanted some peace and calm, both physical and emotional. I had had no religious or spiritual experience, other than being dropped off occasionally at Sunday School and either listening or not.
AA members, who I admired, quickly advised me that this was a spiritual program, not a religious one. One that led to peace. I really didn’t know what or how to believe this but knew that I had nothing to lose by trying it. After all, it seemed to be working for the other AAs.
So, I tried it. I worked the program with everything that I had in me. Just like I worked alcohol when still in the madness. This means that my program took up most of my thinking and, ultimately, actions. The results were such that I had never been able to even dream of. I got peace. Love. Comfort. Self awareness and confidence that were not a part of my being before.
My early sponsors in AA were literal life savers for me. The told me that, since I was brand new to this way of thinking, I should fake it ‘til I made it. Soon I was not faking any more. I had copied what they said and showed that they did to remain sober. Soon it all seemed to be coming from me originally. This meant that I was not faking it anymore. They told me that, when things started to slip back to old habits, I should figure out where I was working my program wrong. This always led back to Step 3. I was turning my will and my life over to my Higher Power and then taking parts of it back. This led to using the shortened version of the 3rd Step when things started to go bad. This is simply saying “God help me.” Then stepping back and letting Him, not trying to direct Him with whatever I wanted. This truly led to peace, for the first time.
Today, I am Happy, Joyous, and Free! Does this mean that every day is filled with laughs and chuckles? Get serious! Of course not! It just means that, whatever is going on with me or someone else, I am HAPPY that I can now make intelligent decisions on what to CHOOSE to do or not do. JOYOUS that I am not overflowing with guilt and remorse over my actions or inactions. And all because I am FREE of any mind altering substances. Now I can be positive and productive in all my affairs. This means that I can also still make mistakes and not be a bad person because of the miscue. Just someone who will try something else next time.
Remember, you now have CHOICES! So, what do you choose? Do you wish to be miserable or Happy, Joyous, and Free. The choice is yours so choose wisely. God bless you!
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