When I was new to the AA Program, my thoughts were all over the place. I often wondered why I seemed to have more emotions than I had before. Whenever someone close, even only fairly close, was ill or made their transition, I became very emotional. Whereas before I didn’t get emotionally involved in hardly anything or anyone. I discovered that I had emotions and responses that I never knew about before I started working on becoming sober. A tough day was a long, gut wrenching day.
I really wondered what was wrong with me. “If sobriety makes a blubbering idiot of me, I don’t want any part of it!” I was heartily advised by my sponsors that I was not the same person as before. That the reason that I was feeling this way now and not before was that, whenever these trigger situations arose before, I sedated them. Also sedated my emotions with alcohol. Without alcohol, I was actually feeling these same things without the sedative of alcohol and/or drugs. Now, I was put into the position of actually dealing with a tough day as it occurred. Not adding the fogging element of alcohol to try to cope. When I was in the madness, when a stressful situation would arise, I would sedate myself. When the high wore off, the situation still had to be dealt with by someone.
Now I did not have the sedation. I was feeling the emotions and having to deal with them for the 1st time in my life. And, as far as whatever had to be done, JUST DID IT!!! Now, after being in the program for a while, I actually like my emotions. I no longer try to hide them.
I use the word Love a lot because I think of Love a lot. When I am around someone who I love, I also want to touch them. I have turned into the “dreaded hugger” of the family. It has spread like a good disease among my children and grandchildren. I even have a 30+ year old grandson who is as tall as I am. He comes across a room when I enter to give me a big hug. I wouldn’t trade the feelings that I get from this type reaction for anything. Good friends, I want to at least touch as I walk by. Or they walk by me. I NEVER felt this good about contact with others before. On a tough day, I just wanted to either hide. Or hurt someone.
How did I get to this point? I first discovered that I was part and parcel of my Higher Power. I now choose to call this Power God. He was lovingly inside my secret place. Others may call it the heart, mind, or soul. Was not sitting on a throne “up there in Heaven.” Judging. Testing. punishing me. He was and is there working through me. And also through all others, too. Hence, it is on me to watch and listen to what is going on around me. He is there and working. Whether I see Him or not.
This was not something that was easy at first. But, really, how much simpler could it be? Just watch. Look. Listen. Then JUST DO IT! Whatever IT is. Because of the simplicity, it did become easier as time and practice occurred. Let’s make it even simpler. Just say the shortened version of the 3rd Step, “God Help Me.” And it is done. This is a very simple method of how to have a life full of Happiness, Joy, and Freedom. Do you want it too? If so, just try “God Help Me.” Then JUST DO IT, whatever IT is. And you will have it. God bless you!
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