Recovery from a significant loss can be a very stressful undertaking. To understand this better, let’s see what is included in significant loss. This can be the loss of a close person to death, jail, Alzheimer’s, or prison. Or our own lack of mobility, impending death, losing relationships, fading eyesight. And, yes, the loss of drugs and/or alcohol for an alcoholic. All of these call for recovery. In most cases, successful recovery from any of the above is very similar.
What is recovery? It is the process that we all go through, no matter what the loss is. The end result is that we recover by learning how to bring back our happiness, joy, and freedom. Without it, we are existing more than living our lives.
“Yah but, if you had my problems, you would drink too!” And “Yah but, if you couldn’t kick the habit like I can’t, you would drink/drug too!” Also “Yah but, if your marriage of a thousand years like mine turned ugly and dissolved, you would drink too!” There are probably as many “Yah buts” as there are “If only Idas.” (If only Ida done this different) The given about life is that, no matter what one does, it just keeps on coming at us. It is up to us to decide what to do and then choose the next right thing. “Yah but, how do I do it?”
Enter Spirituality and Recovery! When Bill W. and Dr. Bob were putting this amazing recovery program together, Emmet Fox, one of the early leaders of the New Thought movement in the United States. He held services in New York City to hundreds of people, including many of the first AAs. Fox’s secretary in New York was the mother of one of the men who worked with AA co-founder Bill Wilson. Partly as a result of this connection, early AA groups often went to hear Fox. He became the Spiritual Advisor to Bill and many of the early AAs. His Sermon on The Mount was used as AAs first Big Book, until Bill wrote the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
This was the foundation that the 12 Step Program of AA began with. Only the first half of the first step even mentions alcohol. ALL of the others is about improving our thinking.
There are several phases of AA recovery. Admission, abstinence, repair, and growth. We first admit to ourselves that there is a problem. If the problem is alcohol, we work on not taking that first drink. Then we advance to the repair portion, We work our way through understanding that our Higher Power is ready, able, and willing to guide us through this simple (but not always easy) process. Then we take a fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Following this, we admit to God, ourselves, and another human being the exact NATURE of our wrongs.
Using what we have learned about ourselves, we make a list of all we believe that we had harmed. Now, don’t complicate this at all. You have already suffered significant loss to do not add to your misery. Look over your inventory and see who was harmed. Don’t make the mistake of placing someone on this list who we may have fought with or some similar act when both were drunk. How do you discover who to keep on the list and who to delete? If it bothers you, put it on. If it doesn’t bother you, just move on.
Now we make a generous effort to approach these people and make amends. Remember that nowhere does it say to say “I’m sorry!” How many times have we said “I’m sorry” before and then done whatever it was again. “I’m sorry” doesn’t cut it any more. Advise them that you are not the same person you were before and ask them what they would suggest to make it right. Simple but not easy.
Not everyone will accept your attempt at amends. Some may be deceased or you do not know who or where they are. Give it your best shot and move on with your life. Clean your side of the street and let them take care of their own side.
Learn how to communicate with your Higher Power. Then JUST DO IT! Just ask your Higher Power for something, and stand back and let Him. Say the shortened version of the 3rd Step, “God help me,” and move on.
When recovering from a significant loss of ANY type, this is a simple but effective way of dealing with it. JUST DO IT! Then if it doesn’t work, let me know. When it does work, let EVERYONE know by showing it. God bless you!
Please let us know what you think. We can be reached at Spiritualityandrecovery@gmail.com or 810-965-6140 usually within hours and many times instantly.
Our AA Zoom meeting is every Monday through Friday, 3:00 PM EST. Meeting ID is 6035280704. Password 399778. It is simple to locate the blogs and Facebook pages. Simply search #spiritualityandrecovery For the podcasts, just go to https://anchor.fm/james-b-boylan On iPhone say “Hey Siri, Play the podcast Spiritualityandrecovery.” Or, on Android “Hey, Google. Play the Jim Boylan podcast.”
