When I came into AA, I was spiritually bankrupt. I did not know what Spirituality was. I had had no prior religious training or real experience. My only prayers were foxhole prayers. He would get me out of a situation and I would chump Him. Or He would not get me out of a situation and I figured He had chumped me. I was ready, able, and willing to “Go to any lengths” to get this program. It seemed to have helped so many people that I was seeing in the meetings. My original sponsors told me repeatedly “Fake it until you make it!” so I did. Then, soon I was seeing changes in me that I never thought possible. AND I was not faking it any more, either. This was all without alcohol. I was beginning to see the truth of Step 1.
I had gone a short amount of time and realized that I hadn’t thought about taking a drink. Someone would get into my face and I would either divert the conversation to something else or exit completely. This was instead of smacking them upside the head or talking about their sex life with their mother. People were talking with me not looking for avenues of escape. I soon realized that Step 2 also was true. This step said ‘came to believe that a power greater than I, ‘could and would if It were sought.’ Soon, I began to get a glimmer about what Spirituality was.
Then I began believing in Step 3. That my Higher Power, whatever It was, was always ready, able, and willing to work for and with me. I didn’t feel so alone any more. When in the madness, I would feel lonely in a crowd, no matter who was in it. I would walk around my block in Detroit on holidays seeing, smelling the barbeque, and hearing families and people celebrating and having a great time and feel so alone that I would actually cry.
After working the first 3 Steps to the best of my ability, remember I was willing to go to any lengths to make this change, I reverted back to my own addictive personality. I wanted more, much more. This meant that I was ready to move on deeper into the program. Remember, I was at the stage where if someone told me that if I would take a pill that they gave me and it would cure my alcoholism, my first thought would be “I wonder what two would do.” So, I dove head and heart first into the spirituality of the program and progressed, seemingly, by leaps and bounds. I couldn’t get enough and was always looking for more. The beautiful part of this was that the more that I looked, the more that I found.
To this day, I am still digging and trying to expand my spiritual awareness that was awakened by this simple program of AA. The simple program that was put together for very complicated folks. I learned truly what serenity means. Of course, I still am looking for more. I believe that the key to success in this program is to study and learn from the heart and not the head. Spirituality is not something I learn by rote and memorization. It is learned by feeling and sensing the positive changes and accepting them, gratefully. You may know something intellectually but I feel that I don’t really know anything unless I FEEL it. I feel it today and the results are that I am truly Happy, Joyous, and Free.
Just what do you choose? Do you want the same thing? Or, do you want misery and despair? If you truly want to be Happy, Joyous, and Free. then COD, come on down. Notice, the first half of the 1st Step is the only mention of alcohol in all of the Steps. The rest are ALL about our thinking. Use ALL of the AA tools. Tools such as Let Go and Let God, KISS, HALT. And don’t overcomplicate the situation. If it FEELS good, it IS good. So DO IT. If there is any apprehension, stop and take a breath. Because something is amiss. See how simple it is? Please don’t complicate it! God bless you!
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