The 1st Step states: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. This is definitely a two part step. As newcomers, many of us had a problem with admitting that we were powerless over anything, let alone something we merely ingested from a glass or bottle. In our heart of hearts, though, we knew that something was wrong, horribly wrong.
For me, it was easier admitting that my life was unmanageable because I couldn’t figure out why I felt as disoriented and disconnected as I did. Knowing something was very wrong but not knowing what it was was very confusing to me. I didn’t know anything about alcoholism other than the drunks that I had met and also seen in the movies. Of course, that could not be me.
After attending my first AA meeting, I could see that I did not have a problem every time that I had a drink. And every time that I had a problem, drinking had been involved in one way or another. I was either drunk, thinking about drinking, or coming down after a drunk. I heard all of the definitions of just what an alcoholic was but many were medical phrases and so, of course, didn’t ring any bells for me.
Then I heard the one that stood out to me. If you can not guarantee your actions after taking the first drink, you are an alcoholic. BAM!!! That was me! No getting around this one, now. I would be on my way home from work and call home saying (because I truly believed) “I’m stopping for A drink. I won’t be but a few minutes late.” This was the truth at the time that I deeply felt. I may have one and then go home. I may follow the one with several others, close the bar, and then go home. I may have one, followed by others, closing the bar and then going to a blind pig before going home. I may have one, close the bar, go to a pig and not make it home.
On each and every one of these occasions, I would be telling the truth that I deeply felt when I had called and said that I was only stopping for one. When I finally realized this, I knew that I was an alcoholic. Admission quickly followed. Then, close on its heels, terror followed. What do I do now?
I was fortunate to be surrounded by people in AA who nursed me through the early learning stages of recovery. Smacked me upside the head when I needed smacking and loved me when I needed loving. I soon discovered that even the smacks were delivered with love. What do I do now? I continue trying to work my program to the best of my ability. I was given plenty of room to err. “Just do your best,” I was told and that I didn’t have to be perfect. I did and it just continued getting better.
Today, I am 180 degrees opposite from then. I am Happy, Joyous, and Free. Not sad, glum, and a prisoner to any mind altering substances. When I began working the program as a journey and not a destination, I immediately felt relieved. Soon after admitting that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable, I accepted this.
Just as soon as I was able to not only admit but also accept that my name is Jim and I am an alcoholic, the peace and serenity began. This came because there was a way out of this squirrel cage that I had been in. If I can do it, you surely can AND WILL IF YOU TRY AND WORK IT TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY! That is a promise!
That is how I got a great start and my prayer is that you WILL do it too. We all can, but not all are willing to do the simple footwork. We quickly learn that we do not ever have to feel alone in our quest for Happiness, Joy, and Freedom. In other discussions we learn how our Higher Power is always ready, able, and willing to guide us IF THE GUIDANCE IS SOUGHT! How do we seek this guidance? We simply HUMBLY ASK for the help, and then let Him. Bless you all!
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