Step 2 states: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. “Hey, I’m not insane!” “Yah, but I don’t wish death to people who disagree with me any more. Serious injury maybe but not death.” So what’s the problem? The problem is that the insane thoughts are THE most powerful ingredient of our entire makeup when still drinking alcoholically. When I get a negative thought about anyone or anything, it has a cost. This is a cost that I am no longer willing to pay. The insanity that I was entering into was overpowering!
This is coming from someone who used to get sight pictures of people who I disagreed with. A sight picture is what one sees when looking through or over the sights of a firearm. That was insanity! My world was one that was filled with violence and anger. This is what I knew. I finally started believing Step 2. So, I looked at my Higher Power as something completely different than the punishing, judgmental tyrant I had thought that God was. I turned to Step 3 and said “Take me, God. I surrender!” Since I had had so many years thinking so negatively of God, this was not easy.
I felt defeated. Also, down to a depth in life that saw no other choices other than die, enter deeper into the insanity, or surrender to the Power that I was seeing transform so many others right in front of my eyes. I wanted what they had and was willing to go to any lengths to get it!
WOW! I got the start of instant relief. The difference between now and before the Program of AA entered my life was BELIEF! I saw it in others and believed that, if it could work for them, why not me too? So, grabbed onto the life preserver tossed by AA and have not let go ever since.
I am NOT the same person that I was before starting to work the Program of AA. No more than a frog can be a tadpole again. Or a butterfly can be a caterpillar all over again. I do not entertain negative thoughts simply because I do not wish to return to the insanity ever again. If I entertain these negatives, I WILL drink. A return to the madness would surely follow. Since you folks are also extensions of the Higher Power, I thank you each and every day for your guidance, love, and understanding simply by saying “Thank you God!” This is what keeps the insane thoughts away from my mental doorstep. It also chases them away when they return. When I am thankful, I have no time to complain.
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